LA and Amsterdam and Israel

Lax_sign

I’ve arrived in Los Angeles. I flew in last night after a week of zero productivity back in Boston. Well, I guess it was productive in that I finished season 9 of Criminal Minds so I’m all caught up on what’s available via Netflix… that counts for something, right?

Coming to a new city and starting from scratch is so refreshing. I don’t have any bad habits ingrained in me yet and I can try to set better ones. I remember when I first graduated from Macalester and started working at Target – it was such a great time where I was able to get in shape, explore new hobbies such as baking and writing, and do a lot of self reflection. Then Joe came into the picture and while I’ve gotten a lot of good habits from him, I also picked up some bad ones. The lazy ones.

Last summer I had the opportunity to start fresh when I moved to Boston. Something went wrong though. Instead of having a home that encouraged activity, I feel the focal point became the TV and all of a sudden my entire summer disappeared. When Joe would get home from work we’d do fun things and explore the city, but I still managed to put way too much effort into Covert Affairs and Royal Pains.

Not wanting to fall into that same trap, I’ve decided to do something drastic. I am swearing off TV for the summer. Ideally I would find some sort of happy medium where I could watch some programs to stay up on pop culture but not so much that I watch hours upon hours. But I’m sort of like an alcoholic with my TV and I can never have just one.


In other news, Israel was absolutely fantastic. I believe it may be the best international travel experience I’ve ever had. On my way there, I had the opportunity to have an extended layover in Amsterdam. I was able to leave the airport and explore the city for about 8 hours before my next flight. I was a little nervous about managing all of this on my own. I had never been to another country alone before, but from what I had heard, Amsterdam is pretty accessible.

I quickly figured out how to buy my train ticket from the airport to central Amsterdam. I decided to take the Canal Bus, which not only allowed me to hop on and off the boat at places throughout the city, but it was a great way to see the architecture with a guide.

My first stop was the Van Gogh museum. I didn’t know much about him going in, but really enjoyed learning his story through the setting they offered. Afterwards, I went for pancakes at a cafe recommended to me by a friend on Facebook. They had a notice though that their credit card machine wasn’t working, so I made sure I would be able to afford something with the $10 I had. I found a Nutella pancake for $8, which also gave me enough for the tip. Once I got the bill though, I realized they charged me for water. Doh! I had to pull the whole “this is all I have” thing, and I felt like a dumbass. Boo.

Next I attempted to go to the Anne Frank house, but the line was 3 blocks long. Only having a short amount of time I didn’t want to waste it all in line. So, I just went and picked up some postcards and then sat at a rooftop bar and wrote them out to people while sipping a cocktail. It was beautiful and marvelous and the highlight of Amsterdam.

11270652_10204352577116061_1204457193382707754_o

Israel was something else entirely. The first night we had dinner on the hillside at a beautiful outdoor restaurant. The food was amazing, I got to connect with some friends I haven’t seen in a while as well as meet some new folks. It was so tranquil and a really great way to start a vacation. [Once I got home, I tried texting Joe but it wouldn’t go through. We were kind of in the middle of no where. The next day I had a bunch of texts from him and he was pretty convinced I was dead because he Googled the cell phone reception in Israel and was sure I would have coverage everywhere. Aww…]

Photo by Matan Shiloach
Photo by Matan Shiloach

The next day we went to Jerusalem and did the Old City stuff. I went in the room of The Last Supper, saw the golden dome and where Jesus was crucified… very neat from a historical perspective.

The next day we started out at the Holocaust Museum and then it was time for the Dead Sea. Holy hell it was hot. I think it was over 115 degrees, and we were in the sun and it was humid as crap. I had thrown up a few times from night before (#winning) so I was hating the heat all that much more. It was the most amazing private beach party though. There was a beautiful buffet, slushies, massages, and great music. We got all mudded up and then dipped into the sea. I didn’t actually like being in the water. I floated too much, it tasted terrible (whoops!) and made all my skin sting. I didn’t stay in too long :)

Photo by Matan Shiloach
Photo by Matan Shiloach

That night we slept in tents in the desert. I was woken up at 1am by a jackal, who I thought was a cat at the time. I’m glad I didn’t know the truth then. I was woken up again at 4am because it was time to hike up Masada. Here is my paraphrased story of the land: Masada is this mountain in the desert that is flat on top. Thousands of years ago this guy, Herod, went and built his palace there because he was a nervous SOB and thought everyone was trying to kill him. The mountain top allowed him to watch his back most of the time, and then he had other protections in place for the rest of the time. Then he died and everyone left.

Then, years later, when the Romans took over the temple in Jerusalem, some Jews fled to Masada. They set up camp in Herod’s old palace and were able to use his cisterns as well. Then, after these 900 people spent some time on the mountain, the Romans decided enough was enough and came to get them. But because it is a mountain top it is nearly impossible to take over. Eventually the Romans used Jewish slaves to build an extremely large ramp up to the top where they then broke down the wall.

Not wanting to let their women and children be raped and made into slaves though, the man in charge decided everyone should die instead. So he chose men who would go around and kill all their families and then kill themselves at the end. The next day, when the Romans come in, they found that everyone was dead. They were pissed, I believe. There were a couple holdouts though, which is how we know the story. The Dovekeepers is a historical fiction novel written about Masada and it is an amazing book I would recommend everyone read.

Photo by Matan Shiloach
Photo by Matan Shiloach

Then I rode a camel.

Photo by Matan Shiloach
Photo by Matan Shiloach

The next day I rafted down the Jordan River and then ATVed up to the Syrian border. It was scarier than it sounds. Those red signs on the fence below say “Caution, Mines.” As in, land mines. I only walked where others walked… just in case.

IMG_1379

 

 

IMG_1377This is the inside of the former Syrian Military Headquarters. It looks like it was bombed… we took another set of stairs to the roof though, so it wasn’t completely destroyed. Because we hadn’t done enough yet that day, we went to a winery for wine tasting. That evening I was like, wow, how the crap is this my life. It all felt very surreal. But I can definitely see myself looking at Israel a lot differently now and have a new appreciation for the things that are going on in that area of the world.

After that we headed to Tel Aviv where the trip shifted to more of a party. It was amazing. We had the best resort on the beach and went to amazing outdoor restaurants.

IMG_1406 IMG_1407

Somehow, I made it out alive.

Advertisements

Travel from hell –> Pretty good week

 

60925536

What started as the worst week ever turned fantastic pretty quick.

Traveling back from China was the worst 26 hours of my life. Physically. I’m sure I had worse emotionally, especially when I was an emo-teenager. Something I ate on Saturday, most likely the dinner of dumplings, made me sick. I didn’t realize this until 5am the next day when Victor showed up at my door to take me to the airport. I was still sleeping and hadn’t yet packed, but he was an hour early so I fully believe I would have gotten ready on time had he not been early.

Once in the car, I took out the barf bag I had been carrying around with me all week “just-in-case,” at Victor’s request. It was the mix of the driving around (which was obviously terrifying) and being up so early, and my upset stomach could barely handle it. I did make it to the airport, but the second I was through the door I had to run to a bathroom. Luckily I actually stumbled into one with an actual toilet rather than a hole in the ground.

I cleaned up and went back out to meet Victor and Anya who were seeing me off. Victor wanted to grab breakfast but I was like “omg I will just throw up again” and decided not to eat anything. We said our goodbyes and I made it through security. I wanted to buy a bottle of water because I was pretty thirsty, but apparently it is impossible to buy bottled water at the airport in Kunming. They did, however, have little water machines with paper cups every now and again so I tried to use one of those. I couldn’t make the water come out. I ended up texting Victor and he gave me instructions. It shouldn’t have been that hard.

Having something in my stomach again made me feel ill, so I went to the bathroom. But BAM! there were 15 women in line. So, I left the bathroom and used the garbage can sitting outside, right on the main walkway of the entire airport. After successfully throwing up into recycling (oops!) I made my way to my gate and painfully waited over an hour because it was delayed.

Once on the flight, still thirsty and dehydrated, I got apple juice from the flight attendant when she came around. That didn’t work either so within 5 minutes I was throwing up in the bathroom of the plane. I sat back down again. By now, you’d think I had it all out of my system. I realized this was false when I felt ill again and went to the bathroom, again. There was a line, however, and stupid me didn’t bring my barf bag with me. As I stood there waiting I was carefully evaluating whether or not I could hold it. I eyed the seat pockets of those around me just in case, when all of a sudden I knew I had to reach for one. A seven year old boy had his sticking out a bit, and even though he was at the window seat I leaned in and swiped it. And voilà, there I went again.

The flight attendant saw me this time and brought extra bags for me as well as a small cup of water. Hot water, obviously, because this was still China. I didn’t drink much more than a sip because of my inability to keep it down. I eventually went back to my seat and tried to nap. I wasn’t able to do so, but soon we started landing anyway (it was about a two hour flight). About as soon as the “remain in your seats we are landing now” announcement was made, I needed to throw up again. I felt really bad for the man sitting next to me, no one should have to experience stranger-vomit. Thankfully it was mostly liquid at this point though and therefore wasn’t overwhelmingly stinky. Yay!

He only spoke Chinese but tried to show me some hand pressure points that would help make me feel better. It was hard to hold my barf bag and really do what he was showing me, but at least I tried.

Once in Shanghai, I had to get my new ticket printed and make it to the next terminal. I found my way to the singular Delta counter in the airport and attempted to get my ticket. However, they said I needed to grab my checked luggage first, even though the woman in Kunming explicitly told me I wouldn’t need to. Okay, so I sickly walk to baggage claim 7, where she told me, only to find she meant 1. Once I get to 1, most of the baggage had come out and it was clear mine wasn’t there. This is when I began to cry. I called Joe at $1/minute because I just felt alone without any ability to communicate and sick ans arrggg.

After making sure my luggage wasn’t indeed anywhere, I went back to the counter to tell them so. While listening to them decide what to do, I throw up again. Luckily I had the extra bags from the flight. They had to check for the luggage themselves, obvi, so there was more walking around. Eventually they said “it isn’t here” and finally just printed my tickets. Because I didn’t think I would be going through security again, I bought a water which they actually sell in Shanghai. I knew I would throw it up but I was just so parched.

Once I was in line for security, whoops, I saw some classmates of mine who were stationed in Shanghai for their project. I was just so so so excited to see people I knew and was able to communicate with. I just felt bad they had to watch me vomit while standing in line, but they handed me tissues and were really helpful.

You know how they always have garbages right before the x-ray machines for all the things you forgot you had? Yeah, they don’t do that in Shanghai. So when I get up to the front of the line I find I have nowhere to place said barf bag. I had to carefully hand over a warm bag of vomit to a very nice looking security woman who only spoke Chinese. She then passed it to a coworker and so forth – it finally found a garbage.

For some reason I thought that a skittle would be a good idea. Well, maybe I didn’t even think it would be a good idea but I needed something to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth. While it didn’t get the taste out because it came back up pretty quickly, it was sort of like one of those pills that makes your poop smell good. I still had to go through it but it didn’t taste as bad.

At this point, I was only 6 hours into the 26 hours of travel.

The next leg was a 14 hour flight. Once I made it on board, I warned my seat mate of my “motion sickness” just so I didn’t catch her off guard. I was on the aisle though, so at least she wouldn’t need to get up every time I needed to throw up. Surprisingly I only had to get up 3 times during that long flight, and towards the end was even able to eat some bread and managed to hold that down. Winning!

This flight was incredibly turbulent though. I really thought I knew I was going to die. And, at that moment, there was nothing I could do so I kind of just tried to stay focused and think of happy things. I ended up feeling very calm knowing that I would die, and I convinced myself that I didn’t want my last moments to be in pain so I somehow willed myself to numb away my stomach ache.

I couldn’t concentrate on any movies and I couldn’t read or play cell phone games, so I just sat there and reflected and maybe drifted to sleep once or twice. 13 hours later I’m finally in Detroit and I felt a lot more calm and not as freaked out. I didn’t even care that my luggage wasn’t there either, I just told the agents and they let me through customs anyway.

Only 3 hours of waiting and a 2 hour flight stood between me and Joe. I could handle that. I finally had real internet access again, so I watched some Criminal Minds on Netflix while waiting and then slept for the whole flight. Joe picked me up at the airport and we went to file the claim for my missing luggage together. It was actually kind of nice to not have to drag it around. Instead, it was going to be delivered!

Once home at midnight Monday morning, I slept solidly until 4pm the next afternoon. I missed class, but that’s okay in situations like this. I stayed up for a few hours and was able to fall asleep with Joe that night. Jet lag is a crazy thing.

The next day, everything in life was just so much better. My first class of the day was a new class called “Managing in Adversity.” Every class a different CEO or leader come in to share stories of how they, get this, managed through an adversity. First up? Ed Davis, former police commissioner of Boston, who was in office when the Boston Marathon bombings occurred.

It gave me goosebumps listening to the story through his point of view. All the people he had to interact with, all the things he saw and decisions he had to make. It made me want to join the law enforcement it was so powerful.

That night, I had a networking event for Netflix at the Lenox hotel. This hotel was right near one of the blast sites and was mentioned in the case we read in preparation for Ed’s talk. Even though I’ve been by there tons of times since moving to Boston, after hearing from Ed I definitely experienced it differently.

The Netflix event was awesome. I’m so in love with their focus on analytics and how they use data, I just want to work for them forever. They even had more women at the event than men, which adding this to their recent addition of Anne Sweeney to their Board of Directors, it is clear they value women in business more than most other tech companies. It is seriously such a dream company for me, I’m going to really try to pursue an internship with them even though they typically don’t bring us on.

Divas, Donuts and Drinking

The bar search continues. The Tip Tap Room is pretty solid, although they do have a substantial lip at the bar. They have a unique menu though, which is perfect for when I’m in a mood for something other than just standard bar food. Now I’m at Firebrand Saints. Location is perfect, it is right across the street from Sloan, they don’t have a lip at the bar and they have some nice outdoor seating. Downside? “Bad” drink options (which I totally understand is relative). By “bad” I mean they don’t have Bud Light -wtf- or Red Bull. How can I get my pre-class kick on without Red Bull?

In other news, I’m not doing a very good job managing my summer. I’ve gotten some good Ingress playing in, as well as other video games and TV shows (just started Covert Affairs, which I *love*). But that just feels like such a waste. I’d rather be putting my energy into writing and working on other small projects. Yet I have absolutely no discipline. During school or work this isn’t as much of a problem – I’m better at time management when I have a lot of things to do, including things with deadlines. So why am I so terrible with self-imposed deadlines or prioritizing my actual priorities? I’ve tried to schedule things, block out my day into “writing” and “exercise” chunks, but things end up getting in the way or I just plain decide not to do it.

I just work better under pressure but I’m having a difficult time creating the pressure.

Monday, I flew out to Pittsburgh for the Miley Cyrus concert. It was good. It wasn’t ticket + flight + hotel great, but I’m still glad I went. Row 1 seat 1 turned out to not be as awesome as it should be. She played all the good songs I wanted her to though, and she is a fun performer. At the end of the day, I’d rather see P!NK over and over because she is still the most amazing live performer I’ve ever seen.

IMG_2220

Also in Pittsburgh I stopped by an awesome little donut shop called Peace Love and Little Donuts. They did mini donuts with toppings and they were fantastic. The manager was pretty nice too and liked my book project. I need to get better at book layouts – how do people draft those up?

DSCN0186Anyway, I’m off to solicit sponsors for Girls in Tech, publicizing the Hacking Arts Hackathon I’m working on, and prepare for a pre-term class I’m taking/teaching. Oh, also going to start reaching out to agents with my book proposal. Toots!

 

Boston Lady!

What a month. Seriously. So much has happened since the last time I wrote. Some how, some way, I managed to pack up all the material possessions in the condo Joe and I share. Except for a 6 pack of Angry Orchard (more on that later). I’m now in Boston and am here to stay (mostly).

Let’s see… Joe had just left the last time I wrote. I ended up missing him a lot more than I thought I would and it was not an enjoyable month. Yet, I made it my month of relaxation and watched more TV than I had anticipated. I also had some alcohol around to get rid of, which I did a valiant effort of consuming slash giving away.

I worked out a fair amount, probably not enough to successfully compete in a triathlon, but enough to keep me feeling active. I enjoyed every day outside that warm weather was present, but sadly I think that was 5 days total, max. The rest of the time, when I could bring myself to shower, I would just stand there wishing I had my shower wine glass rack. Soon my friends, soon.

Eventually it was time to pack up. I started about 5 days before the mover came because it’s so impossible to live in a home that is torn apart. Turns out, this wasn’t enough time. I scrambled the last few hours, ultimately making 4 separate trips to U-Haul for boxes and other packing supplies. Arg. And of course, once the day of moving finally arrived, I found a full cupboard of rubbermaids I missed – D’oh!

Having movers is extremely nice and is the only way I’ll ever move again. However, it’s also kind of awkward because all there is to do is sit and drink beer and watch Orange is the New Black which for some scenes is just like porn, while they are doing the moving. Four hours of this later, it turns out the apartment wouldn’t fit into 2 u-boxes (a fear I had initially but temporarily ignored when the u-haul-help lady said I could also increase my order after the 2nd box if I needed more space…).

This caused somewhat of a domino effect on the rest of our plans: I needed to get the movers back out, reserve another u-box, push out the date of arrival in Boston because of the delay in shipment, postpone the movers and elevator reservation in Boston, and blerg, so much. Now, stuff will arrive this Friday, when I will be back in Minneapolis for a wedding so Joe gets to do this part alone.

Initially I was cursing Joe for not be there. It sucked. But then I remembered that while I am basking in my funemployment he is working long-ass days at a new job (which he thankfully loves) to help me through grad school. That put it into perspective and I calmed down. The second day of the movers, I bought a 6 pack of Angry Orchard to kick back and praise the fact I was finally done. Except it only took them 30 minutes and I didn’t even have time to finish one before having to take off. Whoops!

After a few days with my cousins and then a weekend down in Dallas, I finally arrived in Boston on Sunday night. I was so excited to see Joe I was nearly in tears, which should make you throw up if my love for him hasn’t already.

I’m meeting more and more new classmates and getting so excited for classes to start in the fall. I was a little nervous it would be hard for me to break out of my funemployment phase but I think I’ll be so, so ready for it come August.

Today I’ve just been wandering around Boston. I came in with Joe on the commuter rail from Pembroke, where his friend lives that we are staying with. I hung out at Starbucks for a good portion of the morning and then Joe and I grabbed lunch. It has been really nice and relaxing and I’m happy to finally be getting close to the fun part of summer where I don’t have the stress of so much coming up. I’m traveling through July 1, and then I’m here, happy.

Winning the lottery

On a long car ride last weekend, Joe and I began discussing what we’d do if we won the lottery. We both agree that we’d need to continue with the passions we have – neither of us are the type that would be happy lying on a beach for the rest of our lives. Turns out, Joe would keep his current job, which makes me totally happy for him. I had always said I would as well, but realized this last time, I might not. I definitely like the work I’m doing right now, but realize the contributions I could make without having to worry about an income. I love every single thing I am doing with Girls in Tech right now and look…

I began this post on August 14th at about 7:16am. I don’t entirely remember what I was doing back then, or why I didn’t finish it, but I remember it was right after BlogHer. I was just about to dive into the most amazing entertainment + technology idea ever, and I know this for two reasons.

  1. Over the summer I was contacted by a recruiter from EA within video games. I entertained the idea (ha! get it?) and went through the interview process. All my interviews had to be phone based though because of timing and a big sales meeting or something so everyone was out of town. I remember doing one of them from the hotel room in Chicago. You know how sometimes you talk yourself into loving something you didn’t know you did before? It was this experience that propelled my love for the entertainment industry and the connections it has with technology. I ended up not getting/taking the job, but enjoyed the experience nonetheless and am happy with the outcome.
  2. At BlogHer, I met a man. I don’t remember his name, clearly it was a close relationship we formed. I think he liked my dress… and I liked that he had a purple triangle coming out of his well-fitting-suit pocket. It was a dark grey, not black, and I think that goes so well with purple. So we went for a drink. It turned out that he worked for HBO. So, of course, cliché!, I pitched him my TV show idea. The premise was making technology cool by writing a sitcom about how some girl uses tech and is cool too. It would be like what Harry Potter did for wizardry (hah! I get this reference now) or something. After talking to him though, and having my idea completely shot down (well, he acted interested, but he was hitting on me and I can tell the difference), it started to evolve a little more. And that’s where I really got excited.

From there, the idea transformed into me wanting to create some reality show or even just a documentary on how important technology is to the entertainment industry. The ideas I tossed around were like, following Taylor Swift on tour (or maybe Lady Gaga!) or being on the movie set for Jupiter Ascending (because I really was there and was in awe of the technology required to manipulate the content into sci-fi.) highlighting all the technology required to pull those things together. I’ve always felt that breaking down the stereotype of tech being ‘men coding in a basement drinking mountain dew’ is a step towards closing the gender gap. Plus, being the fangirl I am, I knew it would have gotten Katie excited about tech back in the day. [Katie, for those of you who don’t know, is me in a time long ago.] I tweeted my excitement…

and

Eventually the idea became a webcast in which I’d start out by interviewing local technology women, and then expand into local entertainment-type things, maybe the news station or something like that, and grow from there. It was the tiered approach. The first video is being filmed next week actually, highlighting a woman working in video games! And that’s all well and good, right?

Well, then I was on my way to a Macalester board meeting (go Mac!) when I heard John Rausch being interviewed on the radio. This name isn’t necessarily supposed to mean anything to you unless you are a crazy cat in the music industry… but he was one of the sound engineers on Taylor Swift’s RED album and is from Minnesota. So… what if I just skipped all those tiers and cold emailed him to see what type of awe-inspiring content we could make to engage girls in technology??

So, that’s what I did. I’ll let you guys know how it goes.

incognito

I have no excuse for why I haven’t written in so long. Unless you count my overpowering desire to come home and sit my ass in front of the TV every night after work. I know I’m the only person that does this, and that makes me feel even more terrible. How do I know I’m the only one, you ask? Because of the hundreds of condos I can see into right now, only two have their TVs playing, that’s how.

But then I just feel like crap for wasting my life away on TV. And then I feel bad and don’t have the drive to do anything else but watch more TV. Joe coerced me to go on a bike ride yesterday, and it was actually a decent amount of fun. I’ve been having a lot of fun lately – I love the new place, I’ve been going to Lynx games and Twins games and been doing fun Girls in Tech stuff. So, why do I feel like an utter failure? Good question.

When I’m not making forward progress, I feel like I am going backwards. I know it isn’t money that is going to make me happy either. I’ve already got my dream condo in downtown Minneapolis – will having the penthouse make me any happier than I am today? Well, I gosh darn hope something does because all I feel like doing is moping. Not mopping – I haven’t cleaned much lately. But moping, yes, like, woe is me.

Don’t get me wrong, I see the irony in this post. See it, and hate it, and need nothing other than to be writing it out and telling the world. Because somehow that makes me feel accountable or something. Like, damn girl, check yo’ self. And still, something is missing and I cannot put my finger on it.

P.S. I was just adding “creeping” to my tags because, let’s face it, me sitting on my balcony and watching others’ watch TV is creepy. But… it had never been used before. How I earth have I not tagged that before?

51 questions

Santa left Joe and I two books. The first was about mini golden doodles, which is perfect because if Joe and I get a dog, that is the kind we want to get. The second book was titled “51 Things to Know Before Getting Engaged.” It isn’t a book about getting engaged. Well, it is, but just because Santa left us a book about getting engaged doesn’t mean we are going to.

The structure of the book is 51 chapters, which each contain a question, to discuss with your significant other. It has some of those big questions that people sometimes ignore or think don’t apply to them. Clearly none of them apply to Joe and I either, because we aren’t getting engaged, but we just think of it as a thought exercise.

So, in order to painfully force ourselves through the book, for no other reason than because Santa left it for us, we read a chapter each Sunday night. The key here is that it really draws out the process so no one gets any silly ideas about actually getting engaged because really, unless we make it through every question, one shouldn’t even think of that.

Some of the questions are dull. The first was what’s one thing you find annoying about your partner? When Joe read it aloud a gave a little chuckle and began listing the things. I don’t remember them off the top of my head now, but I’m sure they were along the lines of A) him wearing tents B) not always being assertive enough and C) not being able to hold his liquor. Then he told me my things. If I remember correctly they were A) I’m just so perfect sometimes it hurts and B) I’m always right which gives him no opportunity to be so.

The question from this past weekend was different though. It resonated quite a bit with me, facing one of the issues I consider a barrier to me thinking of marriage. The chapter was about how people expect their relationship to be like those in the movies, magical and shit. My interpretation of the image Hollywood sets fourth is that marriage is dull and sexless. Couples get bogged down with life and begin ignoring each other or just not caring. They never seem truly in love and act as if they just put up with each other because of their legal commitment to each other. [Except for Lily and Marshall because they are awesome.]

Well, if that’s what marriage is, that’s not what I want. I want happiness and excitement and someone that treats me like a princess. I want a guy that doesn’t always forget the milk [laugh track!] or sit in front of the TV watching sports and playing video games. The sentiment of the chapter was that marriage isn’t like TV though. Just like it isn’t the fairytale some expect, it also doesn’t have to be a horror either.

So, I dunno, if someone held a gun to my head and was like “you have to get married!” I wouldn’t absolutely choose the bullet.

Winter Blues

Winters are hard. Even with my SAD lamp and my depression medication and my increased intake of dark chocolate, it is still a struggle to get out of bed in the morning and do something with my day. Some days are better than others, and I’ve been trying to pay super close attention to what foods I eat and limit the amount of alcohol I drink. This winter is better than a lot of others, especially last winter when I was living alone and didn’t have any commitments outside of work. But some days still just really suck and I want to crawl in a hole and cry.

Last week we moved the office furniture into the living room, and all the living room stuff into the den. I thought maybe the reason I was spending so much time in front of the TV was because it was nice and sunny in the living room and I wanted to absorb as much as I could. Joe was a good sport, as always, and dropped what he was doing to help me rearrange for the next 3 hours. It feels good. Right now I’m sitting at my desk in front of the window and couldn’t imagine a better place for my computer.

Anyway, just wanted to give a quick update as to why my posting has been more sporadic. I’d hate to only post emo-posts because then everyone would just think I’m a whiney little biotch unworthy of a follow.

I make lists. Here is one of things I am stressed out about.

Things I am stressed out about

  1. Money
    • Lack of it. Especially around Christmas time. Plus, I went shopping this weekend and maybe shouldn’t have. But it was fun and good retail therapy while the high lasted. Now I just have the guilt. I’ll return the shoes most likely. The sweater is really cute.
  2. Work
    • Not busy enough. Things were better last week and are hopefully good this week, but still. Sometimes I’ll read a tweet about a company I’m interested in out in San Francisco and I’m mad that I’m stuck here in MN. But, not really mad because I know I will get to leave as soon as Joe is done with school and I’m being a supportive girlfriend.
  3. The party
    • Cleaning. This house isn’t like, bad, but just the typical stuff like vacuuming and what not before people come over. And I kind of want to do laundry, but I bet people that are coming over for our birthday party won’t care if there are dirty clothes in the hamper.
    • Shopping for supplies. Both food and drinks. And figuring out the deets on how I want to decorate. I have most of the stuff figured out and I know what I’m going to get and what not, but this week is a busy week for Joe (I just found out he has a paper due Saturday night… how stupid is that?) so I’m left to do most of the stuff on my own. Like shopping.
  4. Writing
    • I’m super far behind on NaNoWriMo
    • I have stuff to do for my memoir class too, which isn’t until later this week but I’m still allowing myself to be stressed about it
  5. My weight
    • I’ve been feeling like a fatty lately
    • My weight isn’t up, but I just am not as muscular as I once was. I should be working out more, but a gym membership costs money and I’m probably too lazy to do it anyway
  6. Losing stuff
    • I can’t find my skewers. It isn’t a huge deal and I can just go buy some more at Target, but where the heck did they go? I’ve checked seriously everywhere.
    • I also can’t find my glow sticks. I’m less concerned about this one because I wasn’t sure if I had kept them anyway, but now instead of inserting awesome glow sticks into self-blown balloons, I’ll probably just get a couple dozen helium balloons. Except, those cost money.
    • While I was down in my storage unit looking for skewers and sticks and bringing back down Halloween decorations, I found a box that something had spilled all over inside of. The box was filled with cards and memorable newspapers, and pictures too. Not to mention my Mary-Kate and Ashley video games and dolls. Those have more or less survived though, thank god.
  7. Watching too much TV
    • I got rid of my TV for a reason, and things were fine then. No, that is a lie, things weren’t necessarily better but at least I didn’t have a TV. Now I watch TV and I’m having a hard time figuring how much is normal and how much is the line of me turning into a sack of potatoes.

Making lists makes me feel better. I will stop crying now.

Television

I am turning into everything I never wanted to be all over again.

And sometimes I make huge sweeping statements that are really an over reaction. I can’t decide which piece is an over reaction here though. I feel stuck in the middle. A while back I probably read a statistic about the number of hours spent in front of a TV being inversely related to level of intelligence or likelihood of success. This caused me to stop any and all association with TV. I sold my TV, rid myself of internet, and basically lived like they did in the twenties because I felt this would increase my chances of being intelligent and successful.

Then I decided to move in with Joe. Prior to the actual move-in date, I said things like “limit me!” “I have a problem, don’t let me fall into that hole again,” in an effort to protect myself from whatever weaknesses I possess. Yet, Joe failed (miserably, I might add) because now he is in grad school and I spend most of his class time with either a drink in hand or on the couch streaming Netflix. Usually both.

Does wasting time in front of the boob-tube (hey, I gotta get the site visits where I can find them…) make me less of a human being? Probably not. Does it make me less suicidal by keeping me entertained through the boring times? Probably. Will it affect the likelihood of me being successful in life? This is where the jury is still out. I’m leaning towards not, because, as luck would have it, I have no material without TV. [As evident by the third paragraph in the post Moving In!] More importantly, I bet people like Mary Midgley, Marissa Mayer, Mary Meeker, and McKayla Maroney watch tv, and they are pretty cool. [And now I need to change my name to start with the letter M.]

On an unrelated note, I had my first Girls in Tech meeting today. I’m the newest PR/Social Media chair. I’m pretty excited about it. Everyone seems pretty cool, and I really liked the director when I met her, so if the rest are cool like her, I think we will get along well. I hope that my sarcasm will play; if not, it will make for many awkward moments… at least 10.