Purpose

This was written while drinking wine and ignoring The World Series… 

I am currently in a course titled “Leadership Stories: Literature, Ethics, and Authority” and this week we’ve discussed social media at length. Specifically, how the digital age has evolved story telling. A clear theme from the class discussion was one’s ability to curate their life and to manage the way they are perceived. Some shared that they tend to only share positive things; one student referenced an ESPN article she had recently read about a girl who committed suicide even though her Instagram profile reflected something else. This caused me to reflect on the image I put forward of myself both through social media and this blog.

In many ways, I try to share both my highs and lows. The purpose of this blog is to connect with others online. Sure, a majority of my readers are family and friends, but there are also a lot of people who just stumble upon it. I want to show how someone who suffers from depression and who had a difficult childhood can still achieve and take matters into her own hands.

At the same time, not all the stories in my life are my own to tell. Which is sometimes why I sorta drop from the site. I don’t always know how to share my own internal struggles while upholding the privacy of others.

Personally, I’ve said and done literally tons of stupid things and I never try to appear perfect (except when I’m trying to convinced Joe I am perfect, but that is a little different). I can fully imagine a future-world in which I question my decision to be so public about my thoughts and feelings. However, writing and sharing my feelings has allowed me to grow in ways I may never fully understand. Which is why I don’t think it will ever be something I regret.

At the same time, I can be very lucky. I also believe I make my own luck. I hope there are things about me that make people think “wow, I can look up to her AND I can see parts of myself in her” and “oh! maybe I can go to MIT/apply for this job/put myself out there too!” I believe inspiration is most powerful when you are able to see yourself in another’s shoes and that’s pretty much all I want. I want others to know they can.

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Volunteerism

Today was my first actual day of the Reading Corps program. I fricken loved it. It may be my most favorite volunteer activity ever and let me tell you why.

  1. I was back at my elementary school where I first learned how to spell “bitch.” I was lying in the nurses office, feeling ill, when I saw it written on the wall. I had never known how to spell it until that moment, when I just knew that’s what it was.
  2. I was “reviewed” by a “master reader” who wrote “perfect” on my scorecard. Brings me back to the good ole days, when I would get grades and stuff.
  3. I got to hang out with a bad ass little girl who was actually kind of cute. Having kids would not end my life if it happened in like, 10 years.

Other random note? A former fling of mine got married this last weekend, and I still continue to be weirded out by that happening (he’s not the first).