Mother’s Day Reflections

The cloudy weather and non-stop rain really does a number on me. As does Mother’s Day because I kind of hate the holiday. Not because I hate my mother, I don’t, I love her dearly, but I also don’t have the relationship with her that I want. I’m not blaming anyone else for this but me. At 25 years old I still haven’t accepted my mother for the woman she is and even though I’ve come a long way I haven’t come all the way.

I look on Facebook and I see everyone posting pictures of their mother’s and it makes me wonder what a normal mother/daughter relationship looks like, if one even exists. What is it that I’m missing from my relationship with my mother and is there anything I can do to take steps towards that? What is it that I am expecting?

As I’m currently watching The Wire, I can safely say my mom is Jimmy McNulty. He does things all the time that are destructive and make you just want to shake your head and say “fucking McNulty” but even though he isn’t a favorite character you still have to love him because he is a main character. And yet, I find myself more accepting of Jimmy than my own mother maybe because its just a TV show and not real life.

Then Eminem went and posted this video so it is Tuesday morning and I’m teary eyed wishing the sun would shine.

One thought on “Mother’s Day Reflections

  1. When I was a child, my mom and I had the “perfect” relationship; she was my everything. During my 20’s I moved away and with time away, I ended becoming very mad at her for the choices she made for me when I was a child. I went through a life change in my 30’s (AKA divorce and a move) and we were back together; living together under one roof, for just under a year. We started to really talk about the struggles we both had with each other and the walls starting come down for me. Then I became a mother and the journey became full circle for me. I knew I wasn’t perfect and here I was, a mom. Then I lost my mom a few years after becoming a mom myself. Our relationship was still not perfect when I lost her and I still have many regrets as her daughter. But I did the best I could do as her daughter and she did the best she could do as my mother. It wasn’t perfect but she was my everything and I miss her every single day. I would give anything to have one more phone call with her, one more lunch, one more laugh, one more anything. Don’t waste time; just be with your mom as she is and how you are.

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