A week ago yesterday I submitted the last of my business school applications. I applied to eight which both gives me the best chances of benefiting from the Consortium and still time to apply round 2 or 3 if needed. It’s actually really good that I made it through them all before this feeling captured me though. I thought that after all the applications were in I would just be able to sit back, forget the process was happening, and magically get accepted to schools come December.
But, it’s not like that at all. Every day I think about how foolish I’ve been to think I’m good enough to get into the schools I want to; that I’m psyching myself out by thinking I can live up to the reputation I’ve imagined for myself. I understand the statistics, and therefore my chances. I recognize what a difficult year it could be for business school applicants. I accept that maybe I’m too young to be taken seriously but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m really just failing at life in every way.
Last week though, I was feeling a lot better. After literally months of preparing and writing essays and rewriting essays and stressing out, I was happy with the way I presented myself. I was confident in my ability to tell my story and that my story was a compelling one to tell. I’ve worked hard but also had really good opportunities offered to me that I’ve taken advantage of. I do all the things people say you’re supposed to do, so maybe I’m at least on par with my competition. Except it doesn’t feel that way now. It feels like a joke. Hopefully this is just the normal post-submission-blues and I’m not really letting down every single person in my life.