Next year Halloween will fall on the weekend. Driving home from celebrating a friends birthday this evening, I almost regretted not being Kara Thrace for Halloween this year. Then I realized I now have an entire year to buff up like her for next year. Additionally, I concluded there is no sounder way to determine which school I will attend than by identifying which will appreciate a Kara Thrace costume the most. If you can’t base big life decisions off of Battlestar Galactica, what can you?
I’m out of my funk from last week. Other people on the internets (so it must be true) have called similar reactions to application season PTSD… maybe that’s what it was. Either way, with two schools inviting me to interview last week, I’m feeling better. It shows me that I’m at least a competitive candidate and gives me an opportunity to woo them. I’m a good wooer.
This upcoming week I have a Skype interview with Georgetown. I would have preferred to do it in person, but they only have one day available for on-site interviews and it was a Saturday. Spending time in class and seeing the campus during the week is important, so if I can’t do that, I might as well just Skype it. Plus, I’ll go über-broke flying everywhere if all 8 schools come calling…
After the first interview request, I did something terrible and discovered Beat The GMAT, which is a website where people post if they’ve been invited to interview yet. It kind of allows me to go crazy as if I didn’t have that ability already. I learned though, that MIT was beginning to send out their interview requests the following day (Friday). I hate knowing stuff like this because then I can get my hopes up and down and all around within the normal response period. In reality though, I shouldn’t be worried until I don’t hear back at all.
Anyway, I got an email Friday morning from MIT and nearly had a heart-attack. Except it was just a newsletter mentioning things going on around campus and was in no way an invite to interview. Then they emailed me later in the morning and I was like “god dammit MIT quit emailing me heart-attacks” except this time it actually was an invite to interview so the excitement was warranted.
I signed up for a good time and will be able to do a class visit and information session. It will be an awesome little trip. I also reached out to all the current MIT MBA students who are also Macalester grads – I’ll be meeting up with them when I am out there to gain insight into their experiences.
Now it’s time to practice like crazy for my interviews and remember that I don’t suck. I also need to stop analyzing the admissions process because now I think every school sends invitations out alphabetically so when Stanford starts on Monday I’ll get my invite then too… but I could totally be jumping to conclusions and getting me hopes up for naught.
A week ago yesterday I submitted the last of my business school applications. I applied to eight which both gives me the best chances of benefiting from the Consortium and still time to apply round 2 or 3 if needed. It’s actually really good that I made it through them all before this feeling captured me though. I thought that after all the applications were in I would just be able to sit back, forget the process was happening, and magically get accepted to schools come December.
But, it’s not like that at all. Every day I think about how foolish I’ve been to think I’m good enough to get into the schools I want to; that I’m psyching myself out by thinking I can live up to the reputation I’ve imagined for myself. I understand the statistics, and therefore my chances. I recognize what a difficult year it could be for business school applicants. I accept that maybe I’m too young to be taken seriously but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m really just failing at life in every way.
Last week though, I was feeling a lot better. After literally months of preparing and writing essays and rewriting essays and stressing out, I was happy with the way I presented myself. I was confident in my ability to tell my story and that my story was a compelling one to tell. I’ve worked hard but also had really good opportunities offered to me that I’ve taken advantage of. I do all the things people say you’re supposed to do, so maybe I’m at least on par with my competition. Except it doesn’t feel that way now. It feels like a joke. Hopefully this is just the normal post-submission-blues and I’m not really letting down every single person in my life.
Stanford is due tomorrow which means I’m pretty much freaking out and nearly hyperventilating. I needed to take a little cry break on Joe’s shoulder even. Crying is fine, because I haven’t cried in a while. It wasn’t even a good cry though, just a little mopeyness.
I didn’t know what this one would feel like, but it is really nerve wracking. Last week when I submitted MIT, I wasn’t stressed. I put my best foot forward and am happy with how it turned out. But with Stanford, I want to have it just perfect which is impossible because I don’t know what perfection is even if it exists. I’ve just got to put all I can into it and hope for the best, but it also feels like I should be able to do more. It’s an overwhelming feeling of just not being good enough, which is lame.
I briefly considered listing one of my old Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fan site awards on the “Awards and Honors” section, because I really don’t have anything else. And, while I am legitimately proud of them because I was young and taught myself how to code HTML, I don’t want them to think I’m making light of the application. It’s also kind of pathetic if my only award is from 2001 so I left it off.
I’m going to go to sleep, get a great night of rest, and wake up early tomorrow to put together all the final touches. My essays are done (except one for a fellowship), 90% of the application itself is done, I just need to read through everything 10 more times probably. But, mmmrrrahhhhhhhhh