But not that talk…
A few weeks ago, most likely after attending a wedding, Joe and I discussed our own future wedding plans. I stuck to my guns: 6/9/2018 and no sooner. He smiled and said “just let me know if anything changes.”
Well, maybe something has changed. As joyous as a 6/9 wedding date would be, I was reconsidering waiting 5 more years. Granted, 29 is a great age to get married, if he and I are still together (big IF!) (jk, I love him to death). There are probably two reasons for me wanting to wheel it in a little sooner – one, everyone is having babies and babies are super cute and I want one. But, having read one article 8 years ago about marriages lasting if they wait 5 years after marriage before having children, I’m committed to meeting that minimum. Two – I don’t know and I hate admitting this, but weddings are beautiful and I kind of just want that. Well, the wedding itself, but also having Joe be my husband. I mean, just kidding, I’m open to anyone being my husband.
I brought this up while making dinner tonight. “Joe, my timeline has shifted a bit and I’m not longer as gung-ho about the 6/9 date..” He played surprised for a reasonable amount of time and then said “you know… first, I wasn’t going to ever let you choose the date like that and figured I’d have some say when it came down to it. Second, I sensed your timeline was changing when I brought this up last time. So, let’s just say it’ll happen when we are both ready.”
And then I hate that. Because I hate the power being ripped from my hands and I like being the one always in control. But I also want to be surprised and it is that terrible space of like, you really want a surprise party but you are so damn excited for your birthday and no one else seems to be so you are all sad but then also super curious as to why no one cared and then you end up ruining your own party.