incognito

I have no excuse for why I haven’t written in so long. Unless you count my overpowering desire to come home and sit my ass in front of the TV every night after work. I know I’m the only person that does this, and that makes me feel even more terrible. How do I know I’m the only one, you ask? Because of the hundreds of condos I can see into right now, only two have their TVs playing, that’s how.

But then I just feel like crap for wasting my life away on TV. And then I feel bad and don’t have the drive to do anything else but watch more TV. Joe coerced me to go on a bike ride yesterday, and it was actually a decent amount of fun. I’ve been having a lot of fun lately – I love the new place, I’ve been going to Lynx games and Twins games and been doing fun Girls in Tech stuff. So, why do I feel like an utter failure? Good question.

When I’m not making forward progress, I feel like I am going backwards. I know it isn’t money that is going to make me happy either. I’ve already got my dream condo in downtown Minneapolis – will having the penthouse make me any happier than I am today? Well, I gosh darn hope something does because all I feel like doing is moping. Not mopping – I haven’t cleaned much lately. But moping, yes, like, woe is me.

Don’t get me wrong, I see the irony in this post. See it, and hate it, and need nothing other than to be writing it out and telling the world. Because somehow that makes me feel accountable or something. Like, damn girl, check yo’ self. And still, something is missing and I cannot put my finger on it.

P.S. I was just adding “creeping” to my tags because, let’s face it, me sitting on my balcony and watching others’ watch TV is creepy. But… it had never been used before. How I earth have I not tagged that before?

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One day at a time

Yesterday was a pretty terrible day.. I think part of it was getting back home at midnight the night before, and therefore not getting my normal 9 hours of sleep. I think it was also influenced by the fact that I weighed myself in the morning and came in a full 8lbs heavier than I had on Friday. But, it was a graduation weekend which is really like Christmas which means I have a semi-excuse.

I was also pretty overwhelmed at work. The project manager on one of my major projects was out all last week, which meant I got about 100 follow up emails within the first 3 hours of her being back. Glad she’s back, hate email overload. It makes my head explode.

When I got off work I really just wanted to have a drink. But, the one ounce of sanity left in my depressed brain made me go home and work out instead. It’s almost like I am maturing and thats silly. But then after I worked out I had a cocktail while I watch Joe put together our new balcony set. So, in reality, I’m not that grown up.

Today was better. Maybe just because I told myself it couldn’t get any worse than yesterday. Maybe because I had tons of coffee. Maybe because I went out last night and didn’t get good sleep for the second night in a row and was too loopy to be crabby. Who knows really.

One day at a time though, one day at a time.