A memorial day

I’ve been in such a funk these last few days that I just can’t seem to break out of. I’m pretty sure the sun will never shine again in Minnesota, and that’s a pretty depressing place to be.

This past Friday, a girl I went to middle school with lost her daughter. Her beautiful 2 year old went missing while they were camping, and she was discovered in the water after what I can only imagine to be the most unbelievably painful 2 days. I didn’t know her that well when we went to school together. We had a few classes with each other; I always thought she was a very sweet girl. Sometimes, things like this hit me harder than others, and this one, because it feels so close to home, is ripping me apart. The pain I can only imagine that family is going through is just tragic.

On not even remotely the same scale, but still affecting my mood, is that today I just found out that my two most desired things are pretty much incompatible. Stanford housing doesn’t allow for pets of any kind. I’ve looked for apartments/rentals nearby, and nothing seems to accept pets. This means that I can’t even get a puppy right now if I want to have the ability to go to Stanford next year and that really sucks.

I’ve been thinking about a puppy more and more and even put in an application with the place I want to get him from. I had intended to get him before the winter because I know that he will help me be a happier person during the terrible winter months. And even though I haven’t met him yet, I know he would love California so much.

Joe is encouraging me to look into the policies at/near the other universities I am applying. That in itself feels disingenuous – I want Stanford and I know I can get in. I understand applying to other places as safeties… but this feels different.

As I was lying on the couch though, unable to motivate myself to do so much as even turn on the TV, I couldn’t imagine ever leaving this black hole to succeed in Business School. I allow myself to waste an entire weekend when I have work and writing and Girls in Tech things I could be working on – how on earth do I think I could fight my way through school again? This place I’m in is so dark it feels like I’ll never break out and I should probably just stop reaching for my goals now.

After my two hour nap and then direct migration to bed, Joe set up my light box to use in the morning. After the move to our condo, I hadn’t really found a suitable place for it and kept it packed away. I was also hopeful that my depression was just seasonal and now that it is “spring” I should fall out of it. But apparently I haven’t. So, I’m pretty thankful I have Joe to remind me that this place I am now may not be permanent.

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Kate’s a Pin Up

My new found obsession, Twitter, has led to many exciting adventures. The most recent was my opportunity to be photographed as a pin up girl.

Everyone is going to have an amazing time at @glamdolldonuts for our last $50 mini-shoot. There is still room to sign up, don’t miss out.

— Christi Williams (@grinkie) April 24, 2013

The only reason I saw the tweet was because it was retweeted by Glam Doll Donuts, which is probably my most favorite donut shop in all of Minneapolis. Even though I was at work, I emailed right away. It was kind of like “ohmygod… I need to be in this photo shoot. When is it?” And then she was all like “May 15th” and I was like “SOLD!!!!” I had a work trip that evening, but I was sure I’d be able to get of all my modeling done during the day and make it to the airport on time. [SPOILER! I did.]

The whole night before I was worried about everything playing out right. I signed up for hair and makeup, only because I’ve never been able to do my own. But… was I supposed to bring my own clothes? In a panic, I mapped out all the vintage clothing stores between the condo and Glam Doll. After looking at nearly every picture taken by the photographer in her pin-up book, I determined she did in fact have costumes due to the fact that some women were in the same outfits. I determined to go in wearing whatever, hoping they would have something for me. [SPOILER! They did.]

The night before, Joe and I were lying in bed. He was working on homework because we hadn’t seen each other in a while and he had things he needed to do. I was attempting to fall asleep, when I posed a question, “what do you think about people who have big pictures of themselves hanging on their wall?”

He responded “It’s a little vain. Why do you ask?”

“Well, noooo reason,” I said in the most suspicious way I could. I had the intention of getting a print done for the new condo… but after the whole Veronica Mars fiasco, I knew I needed to run this by him.

After pretending to snore, he asked me once again “Kate…. why do you ask?”

He assumed I had made a purchase. “No, I have not spent any money today other than at Caribou and Crave” I said. He knew I was being too specific, and continued to question me. After going back and fourth for a while, laughing a bit and then doing some crying (high five PMS!), I finally assured him that I had not purchased a large portrait, and had no plans to.

But honestly, in hindsight, I’m totally getting one printed. Largely printed, in fact. How cool would this be on my wall??

eating donut