So Joe and I are at the Twins game. I keep asking him if I can let the little boy next to me have a sip of my beer. He keeps telling me “no” because apparently that is inappropriate because he is only six. However, the little guy keeps telling his dad “but I’m so thirsty! Can I just chew the ice cubes or something?” Seriously. He needs a sip.
Anyway, I didn’t do it because I hear that’s wrong. But the Twins game is hella fun because it’s the most beautiful night in the world. I got really excited at the first run (which, by the way, happened in the first inning!) and I may have hit Joe with too much excitement and that made him mad. I felt bad. Mad and bad rhyme! Hey-yo.
Hey, I just met you, but call me maybe….
This weekend someone was stabbed in the parking garage across the street, where Joe and I park the car. Joe had gone back to his old apartment on Saturday (while I went shopping!) so that he could clean it before he needs to clear out next weekend. When he got back to our place, around 9pm, he called me and said “what the hell is going on outside?!” I had just been sitting on the computer and had no idea, so I went to the window and saw a shit ton of cop cars. They had closed down the parking ramp so Joe and I were brainstorming where he should park. In the meantime though, I went down to creep a little on the commotion. I wasn’t getting any credible information from the other bystanders, so I realized I should just check twitter (ironically, after Bob Collins’ post on twitter as a news source). Police Clips posted that a man was shot in the lower level, so, that’s the story I went with when others walked by and asked.
Later, a homeless man walked by and said that a female had been raped and stabbed. Not only did this not match the story that I had heard, but it also sounded scarier. I decided that the man was just looking to make things worse and continued believing the story I first heard (which had the police radio as a reference). Once I met up with Joe, he told me his friend too had heard the rape/stab story. However, his friend was only a few blocks away so I was convinced that he too had heard that from the man.
Flash a few hours later and I’m still prowling the Police Clips feed like crazy. Joe and I both realize that this is going to be a dangerous addiction, but ultimately it was confirmed that it was a stabbing. I don’t know what it was about this, but it made it so much more… real maybe? Real, but also haunting in that I feel that, maybe only due to TV, being shot is a fast death. However, thinking of this girl lying in the stairwell, bleeding to death after possibly being raped and the fact that stabbing would hurt so much… it really scared me.
It didn’t help matter much that it so vividly matched my dreams. It’s always the long, drawn out pain that scares me. Joe asked me if I was scared at all and I said “no”, but when I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I was literally terrified that someone had broken into our apartment and was waiting to kill me from the shower while I was peeing.
It reminded me so much of when I was growing up. I couldn’t ever go up the stairs or really do anything in front of windows because I was scared someone would be standing outside, waiting for me to turn by back, only to shoot me. Flash back to reality, the next morning I was once again checking Police Clips. There was information about a home invasion in Brooklyn Center or something. In the comment section, someone commented about being scared for her family that lived in the same area. Another person commented back that “if you’re not a criminal related to another criminal I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” hmm. Well, I’m now neither of those things but for a long time I was. I’m so thankful to be out of that situation and no longer have the need to be scared for my life every night that I fall asleep.
I’ve gotten over the fear from Saturday night now. I remember that it probably wasn’t a random attack (or so say the police) and that I’m no longer in the same position of vulnerability that I was growing up. Plus, I have an awesomesauce boyfriend who really wouldn’t let anything happen to me (although I did poke him a little bit about maybe bulking up a bit more).