Bad dreams

So I have really bad dreams. I’ve never really thought about it being something completely strange, it’s just always been a part of my life. They are worse after I eat ice cream at night, so I’ve learned to avoid that. Sometimes they put me in a funk for the next day… but other times I can just forget about them.

There are certain themes that seem to come up over and over. I’m trying to document these things more so my therapist can tell me what it means about me (read: what the fuck is wrong with me).

To begin, there is always some type of sexual predation. It is usually someone I know or some composition of a few. It isn’t just people that I’ve been intimiate with either, anyone that I’ve ever met has some likelihood of trying stuff when I’m asleep. And that’s how it usually starts. I’m fighting them off and I’m having a hard time making it stop, so I resort to brutal violence. I’m talking guns, knives, mace, etc. It is so bloody and gory and it doesn’t matter how many times I stab someone or remove a limb, they find a way to continue chasing and hurting me. I can literally shoot or stab someone 25 times in the chest and it doesn’t even phase them [kids, don’t try this at home]. I’ve manually gouged peoples’ eyes out and they are still able to track me down, them and their friends.

I’m usually trapped in their house, or they’ve taken over mine. Other times, I think I’m finally free and that I’ve found help only to find that everyone else is on their side and they start attacking me too.

In my dreams, I’m often unable to scream or even talk. I can never call for help, even though sometimes I am attempting to call Joe. Dream Joe is a jerk though, I’m not sure why I’d want him to help anyway.

Two nights ago things took a dark turn. As I’ve said before, I’m very easily influenced by society, pop culture in particular. Therefore, Call Me Maybe made an appearance. A parody of it though, because someone had just posted the “just ate bath salts, your face looks tasty” lyric on Facebook, and bam, someone is trying to eat my face.

It was a little bit more terrifying though. I had been at a restaurant, waiting for SD to finish dinner with another woman. I got sick of waiting so I fled, and while I was speeding away, my car crashing into the back of a money truck. Money was flying everywhere so people started grabbing it (myself included), when all of a sudden a nice journalist man wanted to interview me about how lucky I was to be there at the time and what I was going to do with all my money.

So I got into his car. And then he locked the door and it turned out he didn’t even know what news was and then he attempted to eat my face. At that point, SD swoops in to save me and in order to do so, he gave his own life (to the bath salts eating cannibal). So, somehow my dream allowed this creep to turn into the hero and then I woke up appreciating him because he let me live while his face got eaten. When really I just want him to leave me alone.

Like, a week ago, I actually had a dream that he (SD) was attacking me (raping, actually) and then when I woke up I legitimately had a text message from him (in real life!) even though it had been months since I’d heard from him. That’s called creepy.

Let’s all cross our fingers for a good night tonight :) Just kidding. I’m fine. This is supposed to not be a depressing post.. so… yay for dreams! Or… yay for my dreams not being real! Something like that…

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