So I had quiet a weekend. It actually ended up being pretty darn productive, considering I went shopping and got some very needed items. First, I got a suit jacket. Since I’ve lost 50 lbs none of my suits really fit me anymore and I haven’t really had the money to go shopping for all new things. I finally convinced myself (with Chicago impending) that I can spend a little bit to get a couple nice pieces. I want to Macy’s with my grandma yesterday and got a skirt for hella cheap, and then a jacket for not cheap, but I loved it so what the hey.
I also got a new computer. My first generation MacBook Air was sucking my will to live, and I knew I wouldn’t get any sort of writing done if I didn’t have something new to work with. Specifically, I’ve been eyeing up the app Scrivener. Unless I wanted to upgrade my already crappy computer to OS 10.6, I wouldn’t be able to get the program without a different computer. So, I bought a new computer. I’m typing to you from my awesome new MacBook Air. I love it. It took about 5 hours of continuous use to drain the battery for the first time, and then less than 2 hours to recharge it.
Thursday night, while Joe was in class, I spent a lot of time preparing for my family to come the next day. I finally finished up all the little tasks I’ve been putting off since we moved in- hung pictures, finished putting my office stuff away, and then I even dusted. It has actually been kind of nice to have a couple evenings to myself each week. Because I’ve promised myself that I won’t just resort to watching TV or playing video games, I figured now was just as good as any other time to finally get the computer. I’m seriously going to get going on this book now. Really seriously, I swear.
Friday night would fall under the “cluster-fuck” category. When my family finally found my apartment (none of them have “in-the-city driving experience”), they were about ready to kill one another. Each had a different version of the events, obviously, but the gist was my cousin drove too fast, they are all blind and can’t read street signs until they are directly under them, and after spending 5 hours in the car together they were ready for some space. My grandma and two cousins made a second trip down to the car once we got to my apartment, so I had my mother to myself. She was complaining that my grandma wouldn’t pick her up and made her meet her on the way. I told her she needed to settle the fuck down and that the only reason she was in town was because my grandma invited her to come with, so she should be a little more grateful and stop trying to find any/every reason to bitch. She began in on excuses but I wouldn’t have any of it “can you please just build a bridge so that we can all have an enjoyable weekend?” I begged.
So, in order to calm down, she took some combination of medication. She turned into a completely different person, reminding me of the heroin addicts that I knew from back in the day. Specifically, we had this family friend that would come over some evenings for dinner and would be so strung out that he would fall asleep at the table. At age 10, I found this highly amusing. Flash 13 years later and change the “family friend” to my mother… it is no longer funny. I was stressed out, embarrassed, and worried to the max. The thought of her living alone, driving, functioning, etc, brings me over with a tremendous amount of guilt, with an equal part of resentment.
Her justification of it is that she just started new pain medication from her surgeries and was recently placed on another new medication that states “may cause drowsiness.” While that may be true, to me it sounds like another thing happening to one of those people that bring things like this upon themselves. I hate that it’s easier with her far away, that it is easier when I can ignore it. I just really wish she was healthy and okay and could handle herself, and I don’t know what would need to happen to get her to that point.