So this morning I took a practice GMAT test at the actual testing site. Basically I sucked balls on it even though I felt awesome and prepared going in, I was well rested, ate a nutritious breakfast, etc. I’m extremely disappointed and all I can think about is how that if I don’t score well enough, this will be the first time I’ve really wanted something and then failed at it.

Well, maybe. I didn’t get into Harvard for undergrad, although I didn’t try that hard at it either. By the time I looked at schools I knew that Macalester was where I wanted to be. So, I guess that may count as a success, who knows.

There were a few times at Macalester where I didn’t get the grade that I desired in a class (ha, more than a few…). But, I don’t know if that counts as me trying my absolute hardest. I think it actually does. I put balls into some of my papers and would still only get a B. After trying that so many times I just ended up deflated and gave up trying as hard.

Which is what I don’t want to happen here! I don’t want to start thinking that just because I got one terrible score that all my scores will be terrible from here on out. If I just roll over and accept my back up option as my only option, then, well, that’s just silly and I deserve it. Yet, I still keep asking myself if I will be able to live with myself if I end up going to my back up. I know that without a doubt I want my MBA from somewhere, but I truly believe that the where matters. I’m pretty sure Joe will still love me the same (maybe more, because he won’t have to move with me anywhere), but what matters the most is how I feel about it myself. And that’s the question I don’t know how to answer.

I still have 18 days before the actual exam… I know I can do this! (Hopefully! :-/ )

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