So I realized today while I was lying in bed that I am that girl that I’ve always been annoyed by. You know, the girl who feels all totally in love and then thinks about marriage. Grr… wtf? I find myself looking at rings all the time and talking to coworkers about how long they dated their husbands before getting married. But why?! I’ve always been so independent and shit and don’t even know if I want to get married.
I friend of mine is dealing with his girlfriend semi-pressuring him slash suggesting that they get married. My instinct is to be like “hey-o now… slow it down a bit!” and I wish I could say that to myself too (well, actually, I have). Marriage is just such a stupid thing to rush into. And I know all of these things. I do, I really do.
So why I am still thinking about these things? The fact that I am thinking about this is so foolish. Joe and I have only been together for like, 7 months. I’m 23, what the hell do I know about committing myself to one person? In another 23 years I’ll only be 46 and that isn’t that old. But imagining being with one person for that long seems like a damn long time.
Plus, I’ve been talking to this other guy about his marriage and how he is thinking about slash actively pursuing cheating on his wife. In a world like this, why would anyone want to get married anyway?
For me, I think the “marriage” is the wedding and the ring and I’m not mentally mature enough to really understand what promising myself would be. I still feel so jealous of other women that I graduated with getting married and having kids (and I don’t even want kids!!!). How does society even make me feel this way?!