So I just got off the phone with my mom- we are meeting for dinner tomorrow night because she will be in town, and this will be the first time she meets Joe. Just speaking to her and realizing that I have to see her has totally riled me up and I’m in near tears just thinking about it. I get a stomach ache imagining how the night will play out, starting from the long car ride up to Coon Rapids to the hug I am sure to receive upon my departure. I don’t know what it is about seeing her that freaks me out so much, but I just don’t like the way she loves me so much (I recognize that this isn’t what normal people complain about). For example though, she stares at me across the table with these crazy-eyes, tells me how beautiful I am every few minutes, and always wants to hug me/touch me. It gives me the chills, and I feel uncomfortable the whole time.
There is also the fact that I have a hard time controlling myself around her. When the fact that just thinking about her makes me angry, actually being around her is that much worse. I am quick with her, very impatient, and I feel bad about how I treat her. I try to be open and welcoming to her, I try to make myself excited to see her, but when it comes down to it I’m a nervous wreck.
The last time I saw her was about a month ago when she was at my aunt and uncles house. She constantly whined yet complimented how skinny I had gotten and was upset that she was up 10lbs. I completely blame my body image issues on her (as well as nearly all my mental issues, I suppose). [We decided that tomorrow we can go out to eat because she managed to drop the 10lbs from last time]. At their house, she kept telling me how proud she is of me and all this other junk. What I’m sure many many others would appreciate, annoys the heck out of me.
Later that evening, I got a call from my aunt (my mom was staying the night), saying she needed my help finding her cat- my mom had let him out. I had taken Tylenol PM to help me get to sleep and was in no condition to drive south and help find a cat in the rain (I’m surprised I even answered the call) so I had to let her down. When I woke up around 1am and checked my phone, I had two missed calls and one message from my mom. She had gotten kicked out of my aunt and uncles place, began driving and had gotten into a car accident. She had nowhere to go and needed my help. This message was about 2 hours old, yet I frantically called her to see what had happened. No answer. I called Curt (her boyfriend) and he had not heard from her- as far as he knew she was still at my aunt and uncles.
I called Joe because I was clearly freaked out and in a panic. He talked me down and explained that if I couldn’t get ahold of her, there was really nothing I could do. When I last saw her at 7pm, she had already started drinking, so all that I could assume is that she hadn’t sobered up and had gotten arrested (from drinking and driving, which would not be the first time). I managed to fall back asleep and didn’t hear anything until about 9am the next morning. It was a text message from Curt that just said “Everything is ok. Big mix up. Take care.”
To this day we have not discussed it and I don’t know what happened. I’ve spoken to my mom maybe twice over the phone since, and she has attempted to apologize. Not wanting to think about it or even talk about it, I was quick to changed the subject. All’s well that ends well, no?
Some people would probably say like, “well, no, not really, because Kate, you are going to see her tomorrow and you basically had a panic attack.” Urgle- I want to cancel on her, ignoring it will make it go away mostly :(
On a similar note, Joe and I are going to look at a condo tomorrow! Not in the “we are ready to take that step” type way, but rather we are going because I saw the listing and was like “omg, that place looks amazing I want to see it.” Besides the fact that it is a tad outside my price range, my lease goes through July and I’m not sure I’m ready to buy yet. However, I get really excited thinking about what will happen next and planning out my goals and future, so this will give me a nice vision to hold on to.
I’ve also been looking a crap ton into grad school options. Well, MBA options which are really St. Thomas and the U of M. Joe will be starting his masters program in July at the U, and I’m also throwing around the idea of shooting for next fall. Technically for MBA programs one is supposed to have two years of work experience, but I plan on taking it slow and I’m already missing school a lot, so I think it could be a good opportunity. Never know until I try at least.